The Slow Drift of Self-Sabotage
Almost every instance I know of where someone left the Christian faith was a case of self-sabotage. And I’ve seen it plenty of times.
As a pastor of over fifteen years, nothing rips my heart out like seeing someone walk away from Christianity. I’m writing this as a Calvinist who believes all true Christians persevere in their faith. No true Christian can lose his or her salvation. However, some who appear to be genuine at first end up walking away from Christ, demonstrating they were never truly saved to begin with.
Stated Reasons and Actual Reasons
People are complicated. In any big shift in one’s life, there’s often a gap between the stated reason and the actual reason. When someone abandons Christianity, the stated reasons can vary, but the real reason is almost always a love of sin.
Oftentimes, they tell a story that makes them look like the hero, as though they are courageous seekers on a noble quest for truth. Some of them wax scientific, saying things like, “the claims of Christianity doesn’t fit the evidence. I must go where the evidence leads.” Some take a more philosophical approach, saying things like, “I cannot accept that a good God would allow evil. This makes Christianity untenable.”
The apostate tells himself that he’s bravely casting aside the shackles of tradition in order to embrace free-thinking rationality. It’s all a ruse. Don’t buy it Regardless of what they say, there’s almost always a deeper reason.
I’ve known many people who rejected Christianity because they wanted to affirm a friend’s LGBTQ sins, or wanted to be LGBTQ themselves, or didn’t want to repent of adultery, or wanted to keep sleeping with their boyfriend.
I used to be friends with Rhett and Link, famous YouTubers who publicly abandoned Christ at the same time. We used to work together on staff with CRU. For several years, they emceed the CRU winter conference where I was the worship leader. I was thrilled when they moved to LA, because I thought they would make a difference reaching California for Christ.
Turns out, California reached them instead. On a recent interview recounting their initial deconversion, Rhett mentioned how he searched for “respected” voices that would affirm the claims of Christianity. That was a small tell, but it confirmed what I’d always suspected: they were embarrassed of what Christians believe. His faith required secular authentication from respected sources to be believed.
In other words, the stated reason for his deconversion was an intellectual and philosophical pursuit of truth. I sense the real reason is being embarrassed about what Christians believe.
“For whoever is ashamed of me and of my words, of him will the Son of Man be ashamed when he comes in his glory and the glory of the Father and of the holy angels” (Luke 9:26).
Quitting Jesus
All sin springs from a desire to do what we want and not have anyone telling us what to do. Being a Christian means forsaking our sin and following Christ. It’s a costly decision, because we must deny ourselves, take up our cross, and follow Jesus. Some don’t want to count the cost. So they quit Jesus.
Quitting Jesus usually doesn’t happen in sudden, dramatic moments. Christians who end up rejecting Jesus usually go slow. Their commitment dies a slow death of atrophy, like a riverbank worn down by a persistent trickle of water, or like slowly sawing off the tree limb your sitting on.
Maybe you are doing this already. If so, you may not notice at first. You skip a prayer here, miss a Sunday service there, indulge a little “harmless” sin, telling yourself it’s temporary.
“I’ll get back on track,” you think. But the truth is, small compromises add up. Before long, you’ve drifted so far from God you barely recognize how you got there. It just kind of happened.
This slow drift from the LORD is spiritual self sabotage. No one is forcing you to do anything, you just lose interest. Then, you justify these actions with excuses:
“I’ve been busy”
“I don’t like the new pastor’s preaching”
“The Bible is too hard to understand”
“I’ve tried praying. I didn’t work”
“I don’t like being around Christians. They’re too judgey”
“We’re so tired raising these young kids we don’t have time to church activities”
“This church isn’t feeding me”
This slow drift is dangerous because it doesn’t feel like a major life decision, but more of a complaint to justify small decisions every day. Life is busy. Work is stressful. There’s a lot of demands on my time.
Weekends that used to revolve around worship are now dominated by travel sports, family outings, or catching up on rest. What starts as missing church once a month quickly becomes twice a month. Before long, you’re only showing up for Christmas and Easter. And then, not at all.
It’s not just about church attendance. Neglecting any spiritual discipline—whether it’s prayer, Bible reading, or fellowship—can have the same effect. Over time, you stop thinking about God as much. Prayer feels awkward, like talking to someone you barely know. The Bible gathers dust on the shelf, and when you do open it, it feels like a chore. What once brought you life and joy now feels distant and irrelevant.
This isn’t a new problem. Even in Scripture, we see people losing their zeal for God as life presses in on them. In the parable of the sower, Jesus describes seeds that sprout but are choked by thorns—representing the cares and riches of life (Luke 8:14). The plants don’t die overnight. They are slowly suffocated. Isn’t that what happens to so many of us? The distractions of life don’t attack our faith head-on. They simply crowd it out until there’s nothing left.
Stopping the Drift
But the good news is this: the drift can be stopped. Hebrews 10:24-25 gives us a clear command: “Let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another.” Faith isn’t just a private matter. It’s communal. When you’re tempted to skip church because you’re tired or busy, remember that your presence isn’t just about you. It’s about encouraging others and being encouraged in return. Ultimately, it’s about God. God’s commands are good for us.
Daily spiritual disciplines are just as vital. Think of them like exercise or healthy eating. Missing one workout or indulging in one cheat meal won’t ruin your health, but a pattern of neglect will. Similarly, skipping prayer, time in God’s word, or small group at church won’t destroy your faith, but consistent neglect will starve your soul. Even if you feel too busy, carve out time—no matter how small—to reconnect with God. It’s not about perfection; it’s about persistence.
Finally, guard your heart against the subtle lies that feed the drift. The enemy will whisper that you’re too busy, that you’ll make up for it later, or that God doesn’t care about these small lapses. Don’t believe it. Every time you prioritize your walk with Christ, you’re taking a stand against the drift.
Faith in Christ is a fight, and it’s worth fighting for. No one accidentally stumbles into faithfulness; it’s an active pursuit. Day by day. It’s not something you can afford to take lightly or leave to chance. Life will always be busy. There will always be distractions.
Make a decision now to a few small, essential commitments. Start small, and follow through. Small habits add up to make a big difference.
David Schrock Interview
Pastor David Schrock is a keynote speaker at this year’s King’s Domain conference, “Future Proof Christianity.” I interviewed him recently on the Plain Speech podcast about how ordinary pastors can raise up, train, and appoint future pastors and church leaders.
UPDATE about the King’s Domain Conference, May 8-10 in Cincinnati
I'm excited to announce two more additions to this year’s King’s Domain Conference coming up this May 8-10 in Cincinnati. This year’s theme is “Future Proof Christianity.”
(1) Women's breakout speaker: Betsy Mendel
Betsy has been a member of Christ the King Church for several years where her husband, Nathan, serves as a deacon. The women's breakout will be about fertility awareness to help women better understand how their bodies were designed to work, especially as a woman's cycle interacts with her emotions, diet, fertility, and more.
Other conference speakers include Jeff Durbin, Joe Rigney, Tom Ascol, C. R. Wiley, Michael Foster, David Schrock, and Michael Clary.
(2) The singles mixer is back!
The singles mixer was a highlight of last year's conference, so we're doing it again this year! We've hired a contra dance caller, which is like a Scottish square dance, and we'll host it onsite in our multipurpose room. It’ll be a great chance to have fun and make some new friends ($5 cover charge).
The conference is a little less than two months away, so make sure to register today to secure your spot!
(For sponsorship options, send us an email for more info)
Good stuff here. So often the whole "I tried Christianity and it didn't work" is actually code for "God didn't do what I want the way I wanted in the timeframe I stipulated, so I bailed." May the Lord raise up resilient followers of Jesus in our time. Thanks for this piece, Michael.
faith in Christ is a fight worth fighting for!