Fascinating Stats About Singleness, Loneliness, Dating, and Marriage
1. The US marriage rate is at an all time low.
The current marriages rates in the U.S. are 8.2 marriages per 1000 people
The current fertility rate for U.S. in 2023 is 1.784 births per woman
2. Men and women are lonely.
52% report feeling lonely
47% report their relationships with others are not meaningful
57% of Americans say they eat all their meals alone
73% of Millennials and Gen Z say they feel lonely
People of higher income levels report greater loneliness
3. About 1/3 of all US adults are currently single.
47% of all 18-29 year olds are single
34% of 18-29 year old women are single
4. Most singles say their dating lives aren't going well and it's difficult to find people to date.
Further, the dating scene has gotten more difficult and risky in the last 10 years
5. 57% of singles have given up looking for a partner altogether
Most older single women are not looking to date
Younger singles just don't prioritize dating
They don't feel any social pressure to find a partner either
6. Single women are having a hard time finding a man who meets their standards.
Why is this? There could be a number of factors at play here, but there’s one in particular that stands out to me.
In general, women are attracted to men they can look up to and respect. This means women are attracted to men who are older, taller, more successful, and more wealthy than them. This principle is called “hypergamy.” It has been universally observed across different times and cultures.
We generally speak of this as “marrying up.” The most stable relationships exhibit "modest hypergamy" (the whole piece linked here is EXCELLENT).
Therefore, as women have become more successful, the number of men who exceed them by these measures has shrunk.
This has led to an increasing number of women who are successful by the world’s measures, but who have a decreasing number of men they find attractive.
7. Many men feel overlooked and unnecessary.
Male attractiveness is driven by status markers, and men will typically compete with other men to attain status and attract women. But in the modern world, women themselves have become part of these status competitions.
For example:
Young women hold 1.6 million more college degrees than men
Women outnumber men in the college educated workforce
Four in ten mothers are breadwinners for their households. This is increasingly becoming the norm.
As colleges and marketplaces increasingly cater to feminine sensibilities, lots of men are opting out and choosing more “low status” career paths instead. Consequently, the modern dating scene has shifted towards larger numbers of successful, college educated, high-earning single women having to “settle” for lower status men who are less successful, less educated, and earn less money.
In other words, though hypergamy is the natural way the sexes have organized throughout history, the modern world is forcing inverse hypergamy on the dating market.
These relationships are less happy and less stable. This is at least a contributing factor to the attraction paradox.
8. Men feel increasingly “distressed.”
A husband experiences more psychological distress as his wife’s income exceeds 40% of his, reaching its highest level when he is completely economically dependent on her income.
9. Women feel increasingly “unhappy.”
Despite the fact that women are more educated and earn more income than previous generations, women across all demographic groups have become less happy in the past 50 years.
10. The political factors in all of this cannot be ignored
Young, single men are trending more “conservative”
Young, single women are trending more “liberal.”
Fewer people are willing to date or marry “across the aisle.”
This is another factor driving a wedge between the sexes and complicating the modern dating scene. In fact, a near majority of singles report that voting for Donald Trump is one of the top three relational deal-breakers.
Political affiliations also demonstrate some interesting trends in marriages.
Republicans are more likely (67%) to get married than Democrats (45%).
Republicans are less likely to get divorced than Democrats.
Republicans are generally happier/satisfied (67%) in their marriages than Democrats (60%).
11. Traditional lifestyles are correlated with greater personal happiness
Conservatives are more likely to raise mentally healthy teens.
Devout, Christian men who attend church regularly are more loving husbands and more engaged fathers.
Devout, Christian men also have the lowest rates of divorce and the lowest rates of domestic violence of any major group in America.
Analysis
What are we to make of all this data on singleness and marriage? Here's some of my thoughts.
God made the world one way. When God’s design is followed, it will generally produce good results as a gift of common grace. When God’s design is rejected, it will produce bad results.
It should be fairly obvious that the conditions of our modern society, where traditional gender roles are no longer the norm, have significantly contributed to the overall psychological distress of men, unhappiness in women, increased divorce rates, abortions, and, of course, a crippling dating scene.
God created sex for procreation, pleasure, and relational intimacy. He gave it as a one flesh union exclusively for enjoyment within a life long marriage covenant between one man and one woman.
In marriage, God calls men to be providers and women to be nurturers for their families. Conservatives are more likely to receive these traditional sexual ethics and gender norms, thus cooperating with the way God made the world. Individuals and societies that follow these traditional pattern of sexuality, marriage, and child raising will typically be healthier and happier.
Liberals are more likely to reject traditional sexual ethics and gender norms in favor of the sexual revolution (i.e., feminism, egalitarianism, abortion, LGBTQ lifestyles, and so on). This is a rejection of and rebellion against the way God made the world. It is the rejection of reality itself. Individuals and societies that go against the traditional (i.e. biblical) pattern will experience frustration and pain.
Further, sexual ethics are a major driver of our political discourse, with the two parties representing not merely different policy goals, but two radically different and incompatible understandings of reality.
Democrats have championed the sexual revolution. As the Democratic Party has embraced sexual anarchy as an explicit policy goal, it should not be surprising that Democrats have fewer marriages, fewer babies, are less mentally stable, and less happy overall. Those men and women who adhere to traditional sexual morality will find no safe haven in the Democratic Party.
The Republican Party is the only major political party to resist the sexual revolution (though it seems as though the party is simply embracing it at a slower rate). Regardless, for the moment, men and women who believe in traditional sexual morality do have some safe haven in the Republican Party. This explains why Republicans report more marriages, happier marriages, more children, and more mentally stable children.
I’m not saying being a Republican can make someone a good person. We are saved by grace through faith in Jesus Christ alone. But our political affiliations matter. At present, Democrats have abandoned reality, and their support for the sexual revolution has done incredible damage to the traditional family.
The Republican Party has a better record than the Democrats on this, but not by a wide margin. Many Republicans are just Democrats in slow-motion. Public policies can promote and protect the traditional family as a positive good, but the positive good itself is given by God, not politicians.
Concluding Counsel
The way forward is local. Much could be said, but here’s a start.
Ultimately, we need to promote biblical sexual morality in our homes, churches, and local communities. Young men and women should be trained in the virtues of fatherhood and motherhood in preparation for these vocations.
To ensure healthy dating and marriage prospects for singles in the future, families and churches need to take a central role. In other words, dating apps ain’t gonna cut it. Fathers, mothers, pastors, elders, and Titus 2 women can help singles navigate the complex world of the modern dating scene.
A young single man needs to prioritize learning to build a modest lifestyle where he can support a future family on his income alone. Develop good personal habits. Pray and read at least one chapter of the Bible per day. Avoid large debts. Get rid of any/all porn use. Get fit and take care of his body.
Churches will need to build a culture of men to support and help young men develop these virtues. Older men can encourage younger men to ask girls out on dates and advise them on relational prospects.
A young single woman needs to prioritize a lifestyle that will not impede her future marriage prospects. In other words, single women should explicitly reject feminism and pursue biblical femininity with other godly women. Churches need mature, Titus 2 women to help this culture develop.
Additionally, single women should have realistic dating standards. Don’t expect a young man who grew up without a dad to have well-rounded maturity in every area. Learn how to spot potential and trajectory, not a finished product. Avoid big debts. Pursue education and career fields that can be easily set aside when you get married and start having children.
For all single men and women - the modern dating scene can be very challenging to navigate. Your singleness may be the biggest trial you’ve ever faced. Your desire for marriage and family is good. Take reasonable action to pursue it, faithfully trusting God to give you this gift.
Upcoming King’s Domain Conference
The upcoming King’s Domain Conference will be a great place to strengthen marriages, and for godly singles to meet each other. Every Christian in the modern world needs to develop a grand vision of God’s design for manhood and womanhood.
The conference will take place from April 18-20, 2024, in Cincinnati, OH. The theme is “Gendered Virtue: Men and Women Who Take Dominion.”
This conference is all about building strong households that last for generations. We will focus on both theological principles and practical tools of manhood, womanhood, marriage, and household life.
We have a stellar lineup of speakers who will share their insights about the virtuous living for men and women, including Michael Foster, Toby Sumpter, Joe Rigney, Shane Morris, Matt McBee, and myself.
I’d love to have you join us at this conference! We’ve worked hard to keep the cost affordable. It’s only $120 per person.
Details and registration information is available at moscowmood.com.
Media Appearances
My new podcast (this is a solo podcast) is up and running, called the “Plain Speech Podcast.”
The YouTube channel has video episodes like the one below, plus short sermon clips and media appearances from other channels.
Tomorrow (Wednesday, Dec. 13th), I’ll be releasing another video called “Scorning Our Forefathers,” a video essay based on a viral post I wrote a year ago.
My latest video: “Why Men Don’t Sing in Church”
If you’re an audio podcast listener, here’s a couple of places to get it.
Well done brother thanks